Ep. 35: Brickettes, Bags, and Dump Trucks of Coal

EQ: Who in White America deserves lumps of coal this year?

We are lucky to be joined by Katy Evans, Assistant Executive Director @ Grand Cinema and most importantly, the Holiday Hero. Katy was a recent guest on NerdFarm Ep 49: It’s Cuffing Season

In this episode, three interchangeable brown-haired, white women discuss the joys of the Christmas season. We make recommendations for seasonal music, foods, and most importantly, we dissect weird Holiday traditions such as Krampus and Black Pete (it’s as racist as it sounds!). Lastly, we help Santa out by distributing varying amounts of coal to crappy, hateful and all-around awful people.

To begin, check out these links guaranteed to bring more joy to your life this season:

• Katy’s favorite songs: Holiday Hero Xmas 2018, John Legend Holiday Album, Sia “Everyday is Christmas”; Ariana Grande's holiday EP, Penatonixs, Big Freedia “A Very Big Freedia Christmazz”

• Katy’s Christmas Move Recs: Holiday Classics--Bell Book and Candle,  Desk Set; Hannah, Carol, Tangerine, Gridlock, Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, In Bruges, Rare Exports, Terry Pratchett’s Hogswatch, 30 days of Night, The Thing, Fargo, Snowpiercer, A Diva’s Christmas Carol, Trading Places

Then, follow up on these Christmas traditions:

• Ain’t Doing Elf on a Shelf

• Krampus Tradition

• Why Does Santa Claus Give Coal to Bad Kids?

• Who the hell is Black Pete? Yo, if the UN tells you to stop, you should.

• If you want something warm and fuzzy consider buying your friend this cute book Santa’s Husband, Dave

Finally, we dole out coal one brickette at a time. Santa really should hire us.

1. Lena Dunham

   • My Apology to Aurora

   • F*# Lena Dunham and the White Horse She Rode in On

2. The Caucasity of White Names

3. Yanny or Laurel argument

4. People who voted No on 1631

5. Bland Potato Salad

6. Using mayonaise instead of Miracle Whip (apparently, there’s a division even in the studio. Oh, hwhite people)

7. Whoever runs the City Club Twitter account

8. News Tribune Editorial Board (they’re out of touch critique of Tacoma Against Nazis which we won’t even bother to link to here)

9. How many piles of coal does Quentin Tarantino deserve for being a perv?

10. White women voting for candidates who don’t have their best interests at heart.

11. ALL the white people who called on Black people living their lives this year. There should be cost to white people for calling on Black folks

12. The ladies from Idaho School who dressed like a border wall and Mexicans for Halloween.

13. Border Patrol condoning the use of tear gas against children and babies.

There are faaaaaaaaaar more people who deserve to be buried under truckloads of coal, but we ran out of time!

Guilty Favesies:

• Hope: Horrifically corny holiday movies--but not about animals!

• Annie: Vegan egg nog w/ bananas

• Katy: Nora Ephron and favorite films like Sleepless in Seattle, While You Were Sleeping. Add to your must-watch list The Holiday Calendar, Bad Moms Christmas

Do Your Fudging Homework:

• Hope: David Sedaris “Santaland Diaries”

• Annie: non-consumer holiday activities

• Katy: Adopt of a family; not spend money on your own nonsense; Jeanette Winterson’s short stories Christmas Days: 12 Stories & 12 Feasts for 12 Days